It's never perfect, make it work

 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

– Lao Tzu

A few weeks ago I saw "It's never perfect, make it work" written on a blackboard outside a barber shop and I thought it sums up how I think about life these days. I used to be very hard on myself and everyone around me, with very high expectations and a low bar for disappointment. I'm very glad those days are behind me, but sadly I don't think I was alone in that. 

Society can be hard on people, especially young women, and the pervasive sense of never being good enough seems to be common for many people. I certainly used to feel like there was something just a bit wrong with me, and so it felt good to achieve things and receive praise from people. But so quickly the buzz of praise would fade and I'd be back to feeling bad about myself again. 

This lack of self-worth impacted me and my relationships for years, and I'll write about how I dragged myself out of it another time. But where I think it's relevant to today's topic is in it's relationship to perfectionism - and particularly around meditation. Wanting things to be perfect and wanting to BE perfect can drive success for many folks, but often at a high price of mental and physical health as the constant search for external approval is exhausting and ultimately unsatisfying. 

My perfectionism also stopped me trying new things, as I didn't like being crap at things - my self-worth was so fragile that any type of constructive criticism felt like ridicule. If I wasn't able to do things well immediately and naturally then I didn't want to even begin - being a newbie felt very unsafe to me. So whenever I tried meditation and wasn't immediately achieving nirvana I felt like I was hopeless and it was best not to bother. 

And then I was able to use excuses to avoid practicing - conditions weren't 100% perfect in our tiny little cottage so I couldn't meditate as I couldn't do it at the same time every day. I didn't have a room with a door I could close, nor a corner where I could set up a little altar, so there was no point even trying. 

But eventually I began to realise that perfect conditions almost never exist, and even when they do they are no guarantee that I'll do the thing anyway! So that meant I was going to have to squeeze meditation in to small gaps in my day, and accept the fact I wasn't going to receive any praise for my practice. Once I began to really know that, that this was just a thing I did for myself, no prizes or certificates here - then I was able to stop caring about when, where, and how I practiced and just did what I could - imperfectly but authentically. 

And life in general is imperfect - which is the joy of it really. I wasted so much time focussing on the next step and then the next, worrying about what friends and family thought of my choices, which in reality nobody really cares about that stuff. And if they do, that's ok, that's their business, not mine! I was never really happy with anything because it wasn't 100% perfect, but once I realised nothing ever is I was able to enjoy what I do have and work around the rest. 

Our cottage isn't perfect, but we've figured out how to make it work for us, by giving each other space and by prioritising the things that are important to us: comfort and cosyness, and low maintenance and running costs. My job isn't perfect, but I'm so grateful to have it so I make it work. My relationships aren't perfect, we are all imperfect humans so it's madness to try and make everyone around me operate according to my internal script. That's never going to happen, so I try to afford them the grace and acceptantance I craved for myself for so many years. I'm certainly not perfect, so all of the above is hard to do and I often fall down the trap of judgement and envy... but that's ok, I'm working on doing that less and each time I catch myself it's easier to spot next time. 

Nothing is perfect, but if we have clarity about our values and are realistic about our time and material resources we can make most things work. If you'd like to log in and post a comment we can chat in the comments. Do you agree? I've recently made a video on this topic, which you can watch below.