Linda Holman

  “ Recovery isn’t a gentle self-care spree that restores you to a pre-illness state. Though the word may suggest otherwise, recovery is not about salvaging the old at all. It’s about accepting that you must forsake a familiar self forever, in favor of one that is being newly born. It is an act of brute, terrifying discovery.” - Suleika Jaouad  I recently read over my New Normal blog from two years ago and thought it was time for an update. We are heading towards the end of the year and hitting some "cancerversaries" - 3 years since my mastectomy and reconstruction, and nearly 4 years since the diagnosis. Having lost my sister-in-law to metastatic breast cancer earlier this year I don't like to openly celebrate my survivorship - I'm glad to be alive and healthy of course, but making too much of a song and dance about it feels insensitive.  I've recently realised that the cost of my survivorship is a PTSD-like response to any kind of injury or illness - is ...

It's been a wee while since my last post - I wanted to take this year to really relax and recover, and try and figure out what my "new normal" looks like. I'd love to say it's been a year of ease and endless happiness but that'd be a lie. It hasn't been a bad year - but there have been a number of challenges I really wasn't prepared for. I don't think you can ever be truly prepared for cancer and its aftermath, you just have to roll with it and hope it doesn't run you over. Yay for drugs! I started the year moving into the (hopefully) final stage of treatment, hormone drugs. As my tumour was oestrogen recepter positive I am able to take drugs to block the production or uptake of oestrogen - which is a growth hormone that "feeds" the tumour. Taking these pills for the next 5-10 years helps to stop the cancer coming back. There are two types - aromatase inhibitors or Tamoxifen . Generally post-menopausal women (which I am now, tha...

 “As our body journeys through life, and life journeys on our body…. life will leave marks on us too. From the creases of our wrinkles to the birthmarks on our bodies to the tattoos we decide to place.”      ~ Lauren Klarfeld, author I don’t know if I have enough distance - either emotionally or through time - to truly “review” my year of cancer, but my archaeology study starts soon and I won’t have the time nor inclination to write any more blog posts. So this is it, most likely. Before I start I want you to know how much you reading this means to me... I get SUCH a thrill when a post gets read. Thank you, thank you! Naked and afraid The title “Repeatedly naked in front of strangers” tickles me, and is a phrase that sums up my 2021 - a large number of strangers (medical professionals, but still strangers!) saw my naked boobies, which was really very odd. I later realised how conditioned I had become to nudity when I accompanied a friend to a medical appointment ...

 “Surgeons must be very careful When they take the knife! Underneath their fine incisions Stirs the Culprit— Life! ”      ~ Emily Dickinson Kia ora whānau, thank you for visiting. This episode is about my recent surgery: a single mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. The intention is to explain it as clearly as I can so people having a similar procedure (or who are supporting someone who is) can have another resource to call upon. Please note this is being carried out in New Zealand, and different countries may have different types of surgeries that use similar terminology. I have already had a lumpectomy with lymph node removal , so didn't need further lymph node removal. I opted for an immediate reconstruction as the public waiting list is so long for delayed reconstruction that I'll never actually make it to the top of the list. I had initially thought I wanted to see how I went with a straight mastectomy and possibly a delayed recon, but now I'm glad t...

 "In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."      ~Margaret Atwood Kia ora whānau, I hope all is well with you. Meteorologically speaking spring doesn't start in NZ until the 1st of September, but don't tell the daffodils. This episode was originally going to be about the joy of spring, and how everything was progressively getting brighter and better, but it's actually going to be about the myth of everything getting brighter and better in a progressive and steady way.   Craft Buoyed by the success of my teal Cuff Dress I foolishly moved onto a new pattern without doing a practice run on cheaper fabric. I also attempted to bugger about with sizing which didn't go so well and needed some jenky alterations. I have ended up with a dress that fits, and as it's a wrap dress it'll expand and shrink with me, so all is well, but now I know to ALWAYS DO A TRIAL RUN. Brown bald rabbit I was fooled into thinking that because I ma...

 "Of all the seasons, winter is the most conducive to the great art of dormancy. This art requires an appreciation of semi-consciousness: the beautiful and necessary prelude to sleep - a special pleasure in itself that is all too often neglected, under-valued or looked down upon."      ~Michael Leunig Greetings, dear ones. Today I write to you from both the warmth of my bed, and the midst of deep chemo-fog. Normally I'd wait for the fog to lift before writing but today I thought I'd just start moving my fingers across the keyboard and see what happens. So let's dive into June together. Craft Jewellery, finally! I had a burst of inspiration after repairing a necklace and bracelet for my Mum and so I made two crystal pendants and had an experiment with an idea I've been kicking around in my head for a while. Firstly, the crystals: these are the first two that I've made for a while that weren't straight copies of pendants I'd seen online. My re...

Welcome! In this episode I'll go over my experience of receiving chemotherapy for breast cancer treatment. Chemotherapy differs from other treatments in that it is highly personal - while there are similarities in the drugs taken, each treatment is calibrated to the individual patient, and everybody responds differently to the drugs. So I'll focus less on my reactions to the treatment and more on outlining some general steps to inform you as you travel this path as a patient or supporter. Note: I live in New Zealand, and treatments differ from region to region, as well as being different in different countries. Your medical team are the ones to ask about your treatment plan, not randoms on the internet like me! 🙂 How did I decide to have chemotherapy? In my case I wasn't a clear yes for chemotherapy's benefits outweighing the risks, so I opted to pay for Oncotype DX testing , to know for sure if chemotherapy would be helpful to me. (Currently this isn't publicl...