Linda Holman

It's been a wee while since my last post - I wanted to take this year to really relax and recover, and try and figure out what my "new normal" looks like. I'd love to say it's been a year of ease and endless happiness but that'd be a lie. It hasn't been a bad year - but there have been a number of challenges I really wasn't prepared for. I don't think you can ever be truly prepared for cancer and its aftermath, you just have to roll with it and hope it doesn't run you over. Yay for drugs! I started the year moving into the (hopefully) final stage of treatment, hormone drugs. As my tumour was oestrogen recepter positive I am able to take drugs to block the production or uptake of oestrogen - which is a growth hormone that "feeds" the tumour. Taking these pills for the next 5-10 years helps to stop the cancer coming back. There are two types - aromatase inhibitors or Tamoxifen . Generally post-menopausal women (which I am now, tha...

 “As our body journeys through life, and life journeys on our body…. life will leave marks on us too. From the creases of our wrinkles to the birthmarks on our bodies to the tattoos we decide to place.”      ~ Lauren Klarfeld, author I don’t know if I have enough distance - either emotionally or through time - to truly “review” my year of cancer, but my archaeology study starts soon and I won’t have the time nor inclination to write any more blog posts. So this is it, most likely. Before I start I want you to know how much you reading this means to me... I get SUCH a thrill when a post gets read. Thank you, thank you! Naked and afraid The title “Repeatedly naked in front of strangers” tickles me, and is a phrase that sums up my 2021 - a large number of strangers (medical professionals, but still strangers!) saw my naked boobies, which was really very odd. I later realised how conditioned I had become to nudity when I accompanied a friend to a medical appointment ...

 "My friend Linda is having a mastectomy Her breast will no longer be next to me Instead there's a void Like when they removed her fibroid As part of a previous hysterectomy."      ~Matt Hunt Kia ora! I love that poem above, written a couple of months ago by my friend, and I'm glad to have had such well-rhyming surgeries! I hope you are well and are not getting run over by the Christmas madness. We are not putting up a tree this year as I'm struggling with the reminders of this time last year, when our lives changed utterly with my breast cancer diagnosis. I'm concerned I will stop loving Christmas if I associate it too strongly with all this waves vaguely . I am promising myself this will be a very short blog post as, a) who the heck has time to read a long episode in December, and b) I've not done much apart from recover from surgery . We will see how that pans out though... I do love to rant and rave a bit! Craft I have cut out a few patterns ...

 “Surgeons must be very careful When they take the knife! Underneath their fine incisions Stirs the Culprit— Life! ”      ~ Emily Dickinson Kia ora whānau, thank you for visiting. This episode is about my recent surgery: a single mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. The intention is to explain it as clearly as I can so people having a similar procedure (or who are supporting someone who is) can have another resource to call upon. Please note this is being carried out in New Zealand, and different countries may have different types of surgeries that use similar terminology. I have already had a lumpectomy with lymph node removal , so didn't need further lymph node removal. I opted for an immediate reconstruction as the public waiting list is so long for delayed reconstruction that I'll never actually make it to the top of the list. I had initially thought I wanted to see how I went with a straight mastectomy and possibly a delayed recon, but now I'm glad t...

 "Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again."      ~Sarah Ban Breathnach Kia ora whānau, it's lovely to have you here. September has been an explosion of life in so many ways: the garden is a riot of weeds, building work has brought tradies and noise and excitement, and I've finished chemo and am racing headlong into the next surgery - with all the planning and nerves that entails. Before I crack into the episode I have exciting news - in February I'm beginning study of Archaeology with the University of Leicester part time via distance learning! It's childhood dream material and it's been a long process to get to this point. I have talked myself out of studying archaeology for 20+ years and finally got to the stage where I realised I didn't want to look back at the age of 70 and feel deep regret for not doing it. I set myself a goal t...

 "In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."      ~Margaret Atwood Kia ora whānau, I hope all is well with you. Meteorologically speaking spring doesn't start in NZ until the 1st of September, but don't tell the daffodils. This episode was originally going to be about the joy of spring, and how everything was progressively getting brighter and better, but it's actually going to be about the myth of everything getting brighter and better in a progressive and steady way.   Craft Buoyed by the success of my teal Cuff Dress I foolishly moved onto a new pattern without doing a practice run on cheaper fabric. I also attempted to bugger about with sizing which didn't go so well and needed some jenky alterations. I have ended up with a dress that fits, and as it's a wrap dress it'll expand and shrink with me, so all is well, but now I know to ALWAYS DO A TRIAL RUN. Brown bald rabbit I was fooled into thinking that because I ma...

 “From ancient times both Māori and European have, like many other cultures, enjoyed their new year celebration in winter. Winter is a natural time to pause and take stock, to reflect and make a new beginning.”      ~ Juliet Batten, Celebrating the Southern Seasons Kia ora whānau, thank you for being here. It is winter in the southern hemisphere and it's been an odd month of heavy rainfall (as in many places), cold nights but weirdly warm days. It has been interesting to sense attitudes around climate change finally shift as dramatic floods and wildfires stalk the earth, and I'm hopeful for a belated change in direction for humans as a whole. The season and chemotherapy have kept me tucked up at the cottage most days, and sewing has become my main creative focus. Craft I recently read a blog about how childbirth had affected the author's body and left her in a liminal state between her old life and the new. I relate to this as everything has shifted for me in th...