Linda Holman

 "Of all the seasons, winter is the most conducive to the great art of dormancy. This art requires an appreciation of semi-consciousness: the beautiful and necessary prelude to sleep - a special pleasure in itself that is all too often neglected, under-valued or looked down upon."      ~Michael Leunig Greetings, dear ones. Today I write to you from both the warmth of my bed, and the midst of deep chemo-fog. Normally I'd wait for the fog to lift before writing but today I thought I'd just start moving my fingers across the keyboard and see what happens. So let's dive into June together. Craft Jewellery, finally! I had a burst of inspiration after repairing a necklace and bracelet for my Mum and so I made two crystal pendants and had an experiment with an idea I've been kicking around in my head for a while. Firstly, the crystals: these are the first two that I've made for a while that weren't straight copies of pendants I'd seen online. My re...

"The reason that women feel so pressured to "remain youthful" is because the maiden isn't threatening to patriarchy."      ~Bonnie Rose Flower Welcome Kia ora whānau and welcome to May 2021. This month's theme - The Crone - had me thinking about the shift from the abundance of early autumn to the stark beauty of skeleton trees, and my own shift into inescapable baldness. For my opening quote I struggled to find positive words about Crone-hood, but personally I welcome the wisdom and re-prioritisation that comes with the territory of aging and slipping the shackles of societal expectations. Craft May has been a great craft month! Jewellery still not getting a look-in, but knitting and sewing projects abound. I've started my other colourway of Lotus Flower Beanies , and I've been asked to make some hats for my wonderful friend's wonderful shop: SoulyNZ. They have been asked for woolly hats on the regular so I'm madly knitting up hats in m...

 "Winter is coming"      ~Stark et al. Welcome Kia ora whānau. I planned the episode themes months ago, before I knew what my life would look like in 2021. April's theme is fitting, as the month had a sense of foreboding and oncoming chill - the seasonal shift towards winter and my internal shift towards anger and anxiety. Early April brought a phone call from my oncologist to say that the Oncotype testing had come back with a high-risk score, requiring the full 6 months of chemo. This was not the news I wanted, and to be frank, I was extremely pissed off. Whereas March had a lightness and playfulness, April felt like I was being dragged headlong into a dark tunnel. I was still doing all the same activities as in March, but now they felt rather hollow and joyless. Craft The chemo news brought with it a desire to make hats. Many hats. I finally received my delivery of yarn and pom poms from B Knits and set about making Lotus Flower Beanies . It's glorious yarn...

Welcome! In this episode I'll go over my experience of receiving chemotherapy for breast cancer treatment. Chemotherapy differs from other treatments in that it is highly personal - while there are similarities in the drugs taken, each treatment is calibrated to the individual patient, and everybody responds differently to the drugs. So I'll focus less on my reactions to the treatment and more on outlining some general steps to inform you as you travel this path as a patient or supporter. Note: I live in New Zealand, and treatments differ from region to region, as well as being different in different countries. Your medical team are the ones to ask about your treatment plan, not randoms on the internet like me! 🙂 How did I decide to have chemotherapy? In my case I wasn't a clear yes for chemotherapy's benefits outweighing the risks, so I opted to pay for Oncotype DX testing , to know for sure if chemotherapy would be helpful to me. (Currently this isn't publicl...

 "Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress."      ~Melody Beattie Kia ora whānau. The 20th of March saw Mabon, the autumn equinox - when the day and night are of equal length and balance prevails. I would dearly love to say the quote above exactly reflects my new-found approach to life but I'd be lying. In many ways I'm as unbalanced as always, but I'm working towards owning my shit and allowing other folks to own theirs. This month has been great - taking a break from the conventional medical treatments meant I could explore some unconventional ones. I also returned to work and to running, and felt almost normal again. I even went to a concert! Crowded House weathering with us Balancing that freedom was the ever-present hum of waiting for an oncology ...

 "On days you can't stand to look at your own reflection, remember all of the things your body has allowed you to do and all the places it has taken you to. It may be scarred, it may be tired, it may be old... but you are so lucky to be in it."      ~Ruby Jones Kia ora whānau. I'm writing February's episode in early March but I won't tell if you don't. During February I was wondering why I enjoy writing this blog so much and I decided it came down to these elements: Attention and praise - I love it, keep it coming :) I can send people the link so they can read my story rather than me having to tell it over and over It allows me to take the role of the observer Taking the role of the observer is an idea I've come across in various yoga and meditation classes over the years. I understand it to mean taking a step back, out of the whirligig of my feelings and thoughts and being able to think "I see there is fear there" rather than "I...

 "Duck love is recognizable in any language."      ~Edmond Manning A therapy duck In late January our neighbour's grandkids found a tiny mallard duckling on the highway, with no sign of its family around. They are kind-hearted folk so brought the fuzzy scrap of life home with them and set her up in their spare bedroom. Of an evening "Boots" the duckling would sit on my neighbour's shoulder and preen him enthusiastically. Hearts were melted and bonds were formed Tiny Boots the first day I met her I met Boots and instantly fell in love, and tried to spend at least a couple of hours every day with her. The feeling was mutual, and my heart officially melted when she squeezed herself under the spare bedroom door to chase me down the hallway. Ducklings are normally always with their family and we became her family - and parting was such sweet panic. The timing of Boots' arrival was such that I happened to have at least a couple of hours each day to spe...